Home ground

We landed around midnight, my father came to collect us and we all went to my sister's place in Uppsala. (We were later informed that we I should have been transported with an ambulance from the airport straight to the hospital  but some confusion happened along the way during the communication between the hospitals) My family had been by my side every day for the past 2 weeks. Long days of uncertainties. Long nights in waiting rooms, my sisters had to translate difficult medical terminology to my parents who's english would be a bit limited. I've only been able to just imagine how hard that must have been to not know what was going on with their daughter. My family were there 24/7, and sat up 2h rotas for the nights and every second hour they were changing over for the next person to get a few of hours of sleep. someone were always by my bedside. It was good being back on homeground , it meant that my parents could fully understand what was happening. I could start to see how they were getting tired, how they felt out of control. For this reason I was so happy we were back in Sweden, they could finally get answers to their questions and relax in a system that is familiar to them. I did miss the nurses and my doctors in Cork. They saved my life. How do you thank people who saved your life? I arrived to Akademiska in Uppsala in the middle of the night. the following morning, there was was more confusion in the transfer and because I was coming from overseas I was an out patient and had to be admitted through A&E. It was a long day, they wanted new mri scans and I was seen by neuro doctors, an eye specialist and was tested for anti resistant bacteria. I was finally admitted into a ward. Nurses greeted me and I got settled into my new room but it it didn' take long before a doctor arrived "The MRI show a small bleed from the tumour, we don't have full detail from the journals from Cork to see if this is from your previous surgery or if this is more recent, we are also concerened that your shunt is not working as it should as the pressure in your brain has increased ..we will bring you for observation in the ICU and we might need to bring you for surgery to replace the shunt with temporarly drains tomorrow" Another surgery. again. I was tired, exhausted and scared. When will this nightmare end? I was immidiately hooked up to so several machines, beeping noise, a constant reminder that life no longer was to take for granted. I was overwhelmed. Type of a moment when all you need is comfort from your mother, and she was there. She allowed me to regress, to be 7 years old and scared of the dark. She sat by my bed in the midst of all those machines and stroke my cheek, she was telling me stories about the cabin in Dalarna, the cabin where I've spent so many childhood summers in. It's in the deepest of the rulral woods. There is no electricity, no running water,  only a well where you have to fill buckets deep under the ground to source water. I's as fresh as it gets. There are no other houses only trees, lots of trees and a quiet, still lake. It's wilderness and it's so beautiful and peaceful. She told me she had gotten a canot and she was telling me how we would wait til the sun would start to set and paddle around the shore of the lake and listen to the echo from the lowe landed arpund midnight on that thursday, my father came to collect us and we all went to my sister's place in Uppsala.My family had been by my side every day for the past 2 weeks. Long days of uncertainties. Long nights in waiting rooms, my sisters having to translate difficult medical terminology to my parents who's english would be a bit limited. They were there 24/7, sat up 2h rotas for the night shift and then changing for the next person so that  so that the previous could get a few hours of sleep. There was always someone by ny bedside.  It was good being back on homeground , it meant that my parents could fully understand what was happening, I could start to see how they were getting tired, how they felt out of control. For this reason I was so happy we were back in Sweden, they could finally get answers and relax in a system that is familiar to them. I did miss the nurses and my doctors in Cork though. They saved my life. How do you thank people who saves your life? I arrived to Akademiska in Uppsala the following morning, there was some confusion in the transfer and because I was coming from pverseas I was an out patient and had to be admitted through A&E. It was a long day, they wanted new mri scans and I was seen by neuro doctors, eyebspecialists and being tested for anti resistant bacteria. I was finally admitted into a ward. Nurses greeted me and I got settled into my new room but it wasnt long until a doctor arrived "The Mri show a small bleed from the tumour, we don't have full detail from the journals from cork to see if this is from your previous surgeryor if this is recent, we are also concerened that your shunt is not working as it should as the pressure in your brain has increased ..we will bring you for observation in ICU and we might need to bring you for surgery to replace the shunt with temporarly drains tonight" Another surgery. again. I was tired. Exhausted and scared. When will this nughtmare end. I was immidiately hooked up to so many machines, beeping sounds, a constant reminder that life is no longer for granted. I was overwhelmed. Type of moment when all you need is comfort from your mother, and she was there. She allowed me to regress, to be 7 years old and scared of the dark. she sat by my bed in the midst of all machines and stroke my cheek, she was telling me stories about the cabin in Dalarna, the cabin where I've spent so nany childhood summers in. It's in the deepest of the woods. There is no electricity, no running water,  only a well. There are no other houses just trees, trees and a quiet, still lake. It's wilderness and it's so beautiful and peaceful. She told me she had gotten a canoe and  she explained how we would wait til the sun would start to set and we would then paddle around the shore of the lake and listen to the echo from the loon, a mesmerising sound.  She settled me that night and  I still visualise that place and the canot when fear grab hold of me.  I had my third surgery the day after, a 15 min procedure to put in drains to replace the work of the faulty shunt.  I bounced back quick and after the weekend past they were happy for me to leave the ICU We were informed that my major surgery, The crucial one to remove my braintumour was scheduled later that week.  This would be the big  finale of the build up over the weeks gone, the crescendo. The moment you wish never would have had to happen but that you also want to be overdone with. The job that would have to be done to save my life. Being under total and utter control of others is sometimes a relief. You have no choice, you just have to run with the wave. There is no going back, it is already happening.  The few days I had I used to rest and to mentally prepare. To build trust that the surgon's are usually preetty clever people that know how to do things. I spent time with my beautiful family that would make me shriek with laughter even in the heaviest of times.  The coming thursday approached fast. This was it. on .She settled me that night and  I still visualise that place and the canot when fear grab hold of me.  I had my third surgery the day after, a quick 15 min procedure to put in drains to replace the work of the faulty shunt.  I bounced back quick and after the weekend past they were happy for me to leave the ICU We were informed that my major surgery, The crucial one to remove my braintumour was scheduled later that week.  This would be the finale of the build up over thevweeks gone. Tthe crescendo.The moment you wish never would have had to happen but that you also want to finally just be overdone with. The job that would have to be done to save my life. Being under total and utter control of others is sometimes a relief. You have no choice, you just have to run with the wave. There is no going back, it is already happening.  The few days I had I used to rest and to mentally prepare. To build trust that the surgon's are is usually preetty clever people that knows how to do things. I spent time with my beautiful family that would make me shriek with laughter even in the heaviest of times.  The coming thursday, the D day, was fast approaching. This was it.