The second blast

Why have they re-scheduled my appointment? Why do they want me there nearly two weeks earlier?  ...Why the rush? I had been waiting for weeks for the biopsy result. Out of everything that I had been through the waiting for these results had been the hardest. Was it benign or was it malignant? A letter from the clinic arrived, they wanted me to come earlier than what was initially planned.. re-scheduled. by nearly two weeks.. perhaps it was because of the holiday times and they  happened to get a free slot...yes,that must be the reason...or is it that they need to see me urgentally..? Fidgeting fingers, sweaty palms, a heavy chest and a tight hard knot in my tummy. "Hi, sorry for keeping you waiting.. How about we go sit down in my office..you can just bring two extra chairs from here" We placed the chairs in a circle around the doctor's desk. Myself, my father and my mother sat down as he began speaking; "We have finally received the results from the pathologist....It was very difficult to detect but There are some cell division there." "It's cancer" Cancer? Even if I'd already imagined and feared that word a houndred of times in the past few weeks.. that cold, horrible word cut deep. Stabbed me. Fuck Fuck fuck . Triple fuck. Mother-fuck. Shit. The law of gravitation is one of the four fundamental forces of our universe. It gives weight to all physical objects and grounds us. But what happens when the earth beneath you opens up, swallows you and you are free-falling? Can gravity pull you back up? Finding out that I have cancer.. knocked me. I know them all now, panic attacks, paranoia, anxiety. My family… always by my side, my wonderful parents, my amazing sisters. Jonna, Sonya and Julia. Soft strokes, warm hugs and loving kisses My Irish family,The Shiels’s. All of my beautiful friends. Mairead. My friends and family are my pillars. They hold up the huge arch of me now when the big storm is threathning the construction. In times like this it's also so very important with that one person. The one that barks up, gives you that hard burning slap across the face, chuck you your armour and drag and push you to the enemy frontline and says "You’ll have to face this head on now Vanessa" Dave, The Feral did that. He would’nt let me hide behind a rock, wouldn't let me procrastinate.   I knew that he was right, I can’t stay in this place, it’s too dark. It drains me and it rots. It’s a dangerous place, I think it’s even more dangerous than the cancer itself.  I need to get out. “It Ain’t How Hard You Hit…It’s How Hard You Can Get Hit and Keep Moving Forward. It's About How Much You Can Take And Keep Moving Forward!”  -Rocky Balboa