Thoughts of a 20year old

Life's funny. I've spent most of mine dreaming. Dreams of the future and what it will bring. The parties I'll go to, the boys I'll fall in love with and all the places I go. I have spent every day in my life dreaming of being somewhere else or with someone else. Never do I stop this dreaming to just be happy where I am. Sure there were moments when I stopped my dreaming to live in the moment and just enjoy life but every night when I went to sleep I started dreaming of how I wish my life were like. A big dream has been to live in England and now that I am I feel like I should be happier than I am. I am happy. I am thankful of the life I live every day. But I can't help to think that something is missing. How come humans work like that? We spend our lives wanting something and once we have it, once we finally achieve it, we want more. Why do I want more? Why can't I be zen in where I am now. Maybe I should start meditating. Learn how to drop every thought in my head to just be. Inhale, exhale. Tonight after watching the really boring movie "Eat, Pray, Love" I had a thought to myself. "What am I doing with my life??" Sure I achieved my LIFE GOAL of moving to England but now that I am here I am still just sitting in alone on a Saturday night watching a horrible film. Where is the excitement??? Where is my youth? Why am I wasting it on nothing?!I thought for a second about traveling the world. Maybe that will fix me. Maybe I will evolve and learn from other people all over the world. Everyone we meet is a teacher in growth. Every time we meet someone new we learn from it. New experiences. Maybe traveling around the world meeting all sorts of people will give me the self growth I seek. That's about as far as my thoughts led me before I realized something else. Death. I have changed. These two months in England have changed me. I used to think "If I die tomorrow that is okay because my life has been good. Sure I will miss a lot of moments that are part of life but I am so happy with the experiences I've had that it doesn't matter."  The thought of traveling around the world suddenly felt so meaningless. Say I met amazing people and I learn so much about me and life and everything. But then I die in an airplane crash or something like that. What was the point of going all around the world to die. The only thing that really matters is home and family. Having a safe place, a home, with someone you love and who loves you just as much back. Having a baby, creating life. That is meaning. Nothing else matters. You should travel and live and experience as much as you can in life but always know that all of that will feel like nothing once your Home.