My Story!

Since I was a little girl, I’ve struggle with the same thoughts & emotions as I do today.  My memories go as far back as when I was only 5 years old. I remember I had climbed up on the toilet and was balancing on the bathroom sink, looking in to the mirror. I was looking at myself straight in the eyes, and I asked – who am I? What’s the meaning of Life? That’s some big questions to be asking yourself at that age. But I’ve always been having the same big questions all through my life. I’ve also been suffering from anxiety, depression, panic attacks and suicidal thoughts for the more part of my life. I just didn’t understand what it was or how I really was feeling, until I got older, much older. For me, that’s been normal behaviour. But I always known that I’ve been different. I realized that having conversations with my friends. I thought they were so childish, they just thought I was strange. I wish I’d been more like them.  I wished I had that kind of innocence. To make what could be a very long story short… When I was 12, I had my first psychiatrist appointment. Since then I’ve had countless meetings with a variety of professional doctors. I’ve been diagnosed with Bipolar syndrome and ADHD. One psychiatrist even diagnosed me with borderline and personality disorder and a hint of autism (!) after I’ve been seeing her for over a year. Imagine the cocktail combination of drugs I would have gotten if I would have listened to her. I’ve been eating different kind of prescription drugs. For anxiety, for depression, with SNRI effects, to be able to sleep. On and of and sometimes combined for more than 17 (!) years. When it didn’t work, they prescribed a new one. And another one, and another… and new meetings. I’ve been on a sick leave for all together around three years in total, because nothing helped, and I didn’t see a point of living – but I didn’t want to kill myself! Until the day I did… thank god, I got help. But I was in a pretty bad shape. If we fast forward to where I am today, this is how it is today: I don’t go to meetings anymore, it hasn’t done any good and just keeps me in a low state of mind. I’ve stopped my medication, because I don’t want to fry my brain anymore – and honestly that sh*t hasn’t been so helpful after all. We all believe differently. Some people swear by their medication – I’ve come to despise the chemical poison. This is not a sad story. This is not something I write to get sympathy. I’m not a victim. This is just my reality! This is the reality for many people out there. I’ve now chosen to approach my “problems” in a different way, that no doctor or psychiatrist ever has suggested. I’m doing this after I felt I’ve tried everything that has been recommended by “modern medicine”. Instead of adding something synthetic to try to cure how I’m feeling, I’ve decided to remove everything and I’m going to EAT myself healthy and hopefully a lot happier. How crazy it might sound to some. It was Hippocrates who said — 'Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food.' I say; I’m taking him by his word! I’m going to let food be my medicine. It's time to clean out the medicine locker for good  and time to update the pantry.