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Til we meet again - Part 4

2024-01-22

 “You are amazing” Fabio mouths from the audience. His smile runs
from ear to ear while his hands keeps Ellen safe where she sits on
his shoulders and claps her little hands with great enthusiasm. She
might not understand why everybody around her are applauding. But
when they do, she joins them. She’s adorable in her fluffy, blue
dress with her pigtails waving around her head. I cross the stage
and accept my diploma from Professor Williams.

I see myself reflected in his glasses
and now stand in front of my bedroom mirror. I am wearing my uniform
for the very first time. The dress is light, light blue, so light it
almost looks white. My name is embroidered above the name of the
clinic. A white apron and the traditional white hat complete the
ensemble.

“You can come in now!”

I have to twirl and strut around for
several minutes before Fabio is pleased. Ellen comes running in
clutching a toothbrush and a toy syringe. She wants to strut around
in front of Dad too.

“It seems as if there are two dental
nurses in the house now” I laugh and hoist Ellen up and swing her
around until she giggles.

The moments become shorter and flash by
faster. I see Ellen’s first day in kindergarten, and her last day
of seventh grade. Ice cream on the beach with Fabio’s parents in
his childhood home in Greece. Ellen moves out and suddenly we’re in
the audience watching her graduate from law school. Scenes fly by
like pictures on a screen and I can’t keep up. It’s too fast. My
father pass away and my mother join him three years later. I retire.
Fabio and I move from London to Woking and take our daily morning
walk. We play chess in the evenings and cook dinner together. We’re
a team, a well-oiled machine. I want to pause. To relive every moment
fully. I want more. More time. More years. But the pace keeps on
increasing and without warning, I am back in the bedroom and it’s
time. I have to leave. Move on to whatever comes next.

But I can’t. I won’t do it. I’m
not done. Seventy-three years with Fabio isn’t enough. Another
hundred years wouldn’t be enough. I want to live forever with him.
We haven’t spent more than two weeks apart since he knocked on my
door that day in London so long ago. He doesn’t know who he is
without me. I don’t know who I am without him. Panic rise up in my
stomach and my heart beats hard in my chest. I didn’t even know it
could. I feel sick. How can this man across the bed from me show me
the best and the worst moments of my life and expect me to just move
on? How? Panic turns to anger. White hot fury spreads through my
veins. Who the hell does he think he is, this man in his pinstriped
suit? He shows up and takes me on a journey without me asking him to.

“Why?”

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Til we meet again - Part 4

 “You are amazing” Fabio mouths from the audience. His smile runsfrom ear to ear while his hands keeps Ellen safe where she sits onhis shoulders and claps her little hands with great enthusiasm. Shemight not understand why everybody around her are applauding. Butwhen they do, she joins them. She’s adorable in her fluffy, bluedress with her pigtails waving around her head. I cross the stageand accept my diploma from Professor Williams. I see myself reflected in his glassesand now stand in front of my bedroom mirror. I am wearing my uniformfor the very first time. The dress is light, light blue, so light italmost looks white. My name is embroidered above the name of theclinic. A white apron and the traditional white hat complete theensemble. “You can come in now!” I have to twirl and strut around forseveral minutes before Fabio is pleased. Ellen comes running inclutching a toothbrush and a toy syringe. She wants to strut aroundin front of Dad too. “It seems as if there are two dentalnurses in the house now” I laugh and hoist Ellen up and swing heraround until she giggles. The moments become shorter and flash byfaster. I see Ellen’s first day in kindergarten, and her last dayof seventh grade. Ice cream on the beach with Fabio’s parents inhis childhood home in Greece. Ellen moves out and suddenly we’re inthe audience watching her graduate from law school. Scenes fly bylike pictures on a screen and I can’t keep up. It’s too fast. Myfather pass away and my mother join him three years later. I retire.Fabio and I move from London to Woking and take our daily morningwalk. We play chess in the evenings and cook dinner together. We’rea team, a well-oiled machine. I want to pause. To relive every momentfully. I want more. More time. More years. But the pace keeps onincreasing and without warning, I am back in the bedroom and it’stime. I have to leave. Move on to whatever comes next. But I can’t. I won’t do it. I’mnot done. Seventy-three years with Fabio isn’t enough. Anotherhundred years wouldn’t be enough. I want to live forever with him.We haven’t spent more than two weeks apart since he knocked on mydoor that day in London so long ago. He doesn’t know who he iswithout me. I don’t know who I am without him. Panic rise up in mystomach and my heart beats hard in my chest. I didn’t even know itcould. I feel sick. How can this man across the bed from me show methe best and the worst moments of my life and expect me to just moveon? How? Panic turns to anger. White hot fury spreads through myveins. Who the hell does he think he is, this man in his pinstripedsuit? He shows up and takes me on a journey without me asking him to. “Why?”

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Til we meet again - Part 5

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Til we meet again - Part 3

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