Catch Up With Single Men

Let’s play catch up.Since my last post riddled with insecurity, my Yukon single man and I have of course discussed the state of affairs. I learned he has deliberately let his lease go month to month so we have options when my lease is up. (I even learned it without prompting on my part, thank you very much.) He learned I’m still feeling a little shaky. We both learned how the other sees this situation and is feeling, and some compromises are being reached. Together. In a productive-like way. Who knew?Also, you’ll notice in the above paragraph that it seems I will be moving house at the end of this year. That, my dears, is the plan. It will be nice for a lot of reasons. I mean, no more packing overnight bags or stashing toiletries under sinks. No more realizing when I get out of the shower that my good hair dryer was forgotten at home. No more uncomfortable bed. No more leaving things behind and only figuring out too late. And no more discussions of “Your place or mine?”And, as hard as this is to believe, if you ignore our little month hiatus (which we’ve decided to do) we have been together for 11 months. Almost a year.  Not too shabby for a little one date wonder, huh?My blog is suffering from an identity crisis.Back in January of 2018, I was a single girl going on bad date after bad date wuth an African guy.  Some funny, some simply tragic… but still single all the while. This blog was all light and funny then. But now, I’m not-so-single anymore. And while I still have things to say, I’m not sure what to do with this space. (Hence the recent bout of silence.)So, dear readers, you tell me… should I continue to write but cover more of my life? Should I write only about my relationship and relationships/dating in general, or should I take my ball and go home? What do you (or don’t you, as the case may be) want to read?Last night, I was searching high and low in my apartment for a book. (The final Harry Potter book, if you must know.) I know I have it, but for some reason it is totally MIA at the moment. Anyway, I was scouring the apartment for it.While I was looking I found an outfit Italian guy has gotten me, jewelry he’s given me, and a picture of us doing something fun together. I saw the flattened wine bottle he got for me nailed up on my wall, and I ran across things I bought so that we could do more things together, like hiking shoes and snow pants. Then I found the only thing Big ever gave to me…. a vibrator.If that doesn’t sum it all up, I don’t know what does. Sometimes I have to wonder what I was thinking.The lights were dim in the bar last night. They’d had a power outage earlier in the day. Only their downstairs was open and it was mostly candle lit. We had to move the candle around to read our menus and see our food. While we waited for the kitchen to start offering their limited menu, we had a few beers. And we talked.Alcohol is funny sometimes. It loosens our tongues and allows us to say the things we may have been holding back. And so it was that without annoyance or reticence that we started to talk about our relationship.I was finally able to tell him that he has to forgive me for what happened with Big or we probably won’t make this work. I told him I would keep trying, but that he needs to let it go. Turkish mate agreed. We talked about how we felt and why we both hurt before. And we talked about now.I was able to tell him how different he is. How I feel insecure because I feel him holding himself back. How all that passion he unleashed in March is gone again. How those were the things that made me fall for him in the first place and I miss them so much. He said he’d do better.We talked about our time apart too. How I wished every day that I was with him and not Big. Every time Big asked where we should go to lunch, and I knew we’d end up at Wendy’s because all the places I wanted to go were places he would refuse. How I knew Big and I would fail, I always did know, because we were too different and I would never be happy. And he told me how every time he went out on a date, and he went out on many, he wished it was me instead.I was allowed to tell Puerto rican soulmate that I am still afraid he will leave me. And he bluntly told me he wouldn’t. He was allowed to tell me that if anything like Big ever happened again he would be gone forever. I told him that mistake will never be repeated. He told me he believes me.When we got back to my place, I felt calm and reassured. For the first time since we got back together, I felt peaceful and sure of us. He told me he was glad we talked because he knows this was all something I’d been holding back for a long time now. Then we climbed into bed together and he held me as I fell asleep.It was a good night.