Cold-poem by Jen Persichetti

                                                                                        Because of you I am dead behind the eyesBecause of you I am afraid of happiness, and even hold guilt for itI cry for you and I have no idea whyMaybe its because I am afraid that deep down in a twisted,disturbing and nonsensical way, that I am to blame for your loathing of meThe person who gave me life murdered my soulMy memories of a perpetual love and peaceful home are chalked up to illusionsGuilt creeps in and out of me as I write this, evenWhy do you still have a hold on me, my soul….my sanity?My ability to empathize has been taintedI recall only being happy for a mere six months, before you put the nail in that coffin tooMy subconscious believes you envied the way I felt about _____.It killed you to see me happy…made you manic, evenYou knew it would end. Thus, it was my mind that took the dagger – not my heartUnfortunately for you, I was able to love again. You despised that.My mind, however…holds the vicious haunts that you bestowed upon meFor a long while I pined over the question “what if?”What if I ignored your tormenting ways, and lived life for me? The way you did.What if I dared to disobey you and think for myself just that one time, for the first time?What if I didn’t allow you to make me feel so minute and powerless, against every shred of dignity that I pretended to have?You claimed you had reasons why you treated me the way you did; and I obligedI credit you for your honesty – one can never label you a liarI’m cold…freezing even, and bitterBecause of you I have become you.  Copyright 2017 Jen Persichetti Poem by Jen Persichetti Drawing by Janne Karlsson